four leaf clover.

one. two. three. four. you're there.
count visits

It’s stupid, I know.
It’s silly. To miss someone this much.
.. but maybe it’s because I’m still in love.
So very much.

When people say love is blind, it really is aye?

For just a second there I thought I had you back..
the old you.
but then I heard
"FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH!!"

then everything went black. 

It’s been a while now.. which is why I don’t know why I still had trouble sleeping last night. Maybe it’s because I remembered.
Usually I don’t though. Most nights I just forget.
But last night, I guess my mind just wanted to take a walk down memory lane.

There was nothing out of the ordinary at the beginning.
Me, lying on the bed sideways, hugging my ginormous doggy doll
Thinking to myself how could I let that happen to me.
But then my mind started to remember the details.
That’s when it all went downhill.

I remembered all the names that he used to call me,
All the promises that were made and broken,
Laughter that turned to anger in the blink of an eye.
I recall the nights when I cried myself to sleep,
When I crawled under my desk, hugging my teddy bear, hoping it could give me any form of consolation.

I counted how many times I felt like I just wanted to disappear..


or die.


Maybe then he would tell me that he loves me?


"Why does he do this to me?? I don’t understand. How can a person says he loves someone but treats her like this? Like she’s a punching bag, like she’s junk?? Do I not deserve to be loved?? I just want to die and end things. I hate myself. I hate my life!!!!"


This is one of the things I wrote when I was crying alone in my room. Don’t remember what had happened. I just know I felt like I couldn’t stand facing another day, knowing that something like this can happen again.


I remember the scissors I had in my right hand.


I remember the thoughts in my head telling me to go ahead and do it.

I was in such a dark place.
Why?

Because I believed him.


I believed that I was an effing bitch.
I believed that I was an effing slut.
I believed I was a dumb ef.
I believed I had an effing miserable life.


What was there to hold on to?
What was there to look forward to?

It’s all over now…

but why do I still believe him?

It’s about being like Jesus.

True. Very true.

True. Very true.

Aslyn - That’s When I love You

When you have to look away/ When you don’t have much to say/ That’s when I love you/ I love you just that way.

To hear you stumble when you speak/ Or see you walk with two left feet/That’s when I love you/ I love you endlessly.

And when you’re mad ‘cause you lost a game/ Forget I’m waiting in the rain/ Baby, I love you/ I’ll love you anyway.

Here’s my promise made tonight/ You can count on me for life/ That’s when I love you/ When nothing you do could change my mind.

The more I learn the more I love/ The more my heart can’t get enough/ That’s when I love you/ When I love you/ No matter what.

When you turn to hide your eyes/ ‘Cause the movie it made you cry/ That’s when I love you/ I love you a little more each time.

And when you can’t quite match your clothes/ Or when you laugh at your own jokes/ That’s when I love you/ I love you more than you know.

And when you forget that we had a date/ That look that you give when you show up late/ Baby, I love you/ I’ll love you anyway.

Here’s my promise made tonight/ You can count on me for life/ That’s when I love you/ When nothing you do could change my mind.

The more I learn the more I love/ The more my heart can’t get enough/ That’s when I love you/ When I love you/ No matter what.

Anonymous asked: Regarding your 1 NOV 2012 post, perhaps your craving for love is unsatisfied because you're expecting too much from the men of this world. Men who, just like you, are fallen people who make mistakes. Don't identify yourself by the other people's perception of you. And finally, perhaps the love you're looking for isn't found in the men around you or in the world itself. Keep searching for it. Don't give up. Hint: It could've been with you all along, hidden and waiting.

Thank you for the encouragement, dear Anonymous. Hope I can find whatever I’m looking for soon..

—I'm Yours

This song is, quite frankly, still one of my most favourite love song.

I’m Yours by The Script.

You touch these tired eyes of mine/ And map my face out line by line/ And somehow growing old feels fine.

I listen close for I’m not smart/ You wrap your thoughts in works of art/ And they’re hanging on the walls of my heart.

I may not have the softest touch/ I may not say the words as such/ And though I may not look like much/ I’m yours.

And though my edges may be rough/ I never feel I’m quite enough/ It may not seem like very much/ But I’m yours.

I may not have the softest touch/ I may not say the words as such/ I know I don’t fit in that much/ But I’m yours.

Click for original version.

E

—T - Accoustic

This song is stuck in my head. So I decided to make an impromptu cover.

Road back to chivalry. 

Road back to chivalry.